Our Story: The Power of Forgiveness

A few years ago I was watching Season 4, Episode 2 of The Chosen with Rachelle. In this episode, Christ calls Simon the rock that he will build his church on (Peter) and makes him the head of the 12 disciples. Matthew talks with Christ about how hurtful this was because Simon has been so mean to him. Christ talks with Matthew about how he hurt Simon first. While Matthew initially justified it, he quickly realized that he had indeed directly hurt Simon. He went to Peter the next day and asked forgiveness. Peter wasn't able to give it and instead later on went to Christ to talk about how he couldn't forgive Matthew because of what he had done and how it had impacted his family. Christ told Peter that we are to forgive 70 times 7 - perfectly, always. Peter then goes and tells Matthew he is forgiven in a powerful scene.

As I saw this play out, the Spirit told me, "you are Matthew." I had been thinking about Rhett for a while and we had texted some since the lawsuit with Mom ended, but there was still a wall between us. I also had been thinking about him since Elder Peter Johnson came to our Stake and talked with us about writing down a name on a card and focusing on that person and what we needed to do. Rhett was the person on my card. Later in Stake Council, President Blackwelder brought that back up and mentioned it again, so he was fresh on my mind.

With all that in mind, I texted this to Rhett: 

Hope you’re doing well! I just wanted to reach out because while I haven’t thought about it in a long time, I was prompted this morning to think about when we were kids and how we interacted. 

As a result of that (and because I don’t know that I ever did), I wanted to apologize for not being better. I was worried about everything being zero-sum and not wanting to be outshined by someone and/or not wanting to look like a goober who hung with his younger brother. I look at how Aaron and Ty are best buds and wish that I could have done so much better, which would have translated into better over our lives. Anyway, I’m sorry that I was like that. No need to forgive me if you don’t want to, but I did feel like I needed to say that.

This opened the floodgates. Rhett and I texted back and forth for a couple of hours as he told me that he had wanted to hear that for years. We continued to text over the course of the next year, and then Rachelle and I took the kids out to South Carolina to see him and his family. That started out a bit awkward, but in the end, Rhett said, "it did my soul good to see you."

This led in part to him coming out for Thanksgiving for the first time in 5 years. When he came out, I made sure that he connected with all the brothers by taking him to lunch with everyone (and as each brother arrived, he was more and more shocked to see them all - he thought it was just with me). We then took him and Sierra down to dinner in Provo so they could have some of their favorite food. After I took him back up to Salt Lake, we hung out for a minute, then as I was preparing to leave, he asked Dad and I to give him a blessing. Once he had his blessing, Rhett helped me take some stuff out to the car and then he apologized for what he had done. We hugged and he headed back to South Carolina.

Dad and Linda said that was their Christmas miracle - they couldn't believe Rhett asked for a blessing, that he wanted me to help, and that he had apologized. They've been wanting that for years. So that was incredible, but then a few weeks later, I got the following text from Rhett:

I think u r a great guy. When I faced you guys at the office… I didn’t know I was going to be abandoned. I feel like an idiot still. And I’m so sorry for being cruel. I should’ve had your back … but I was ignorant and desperate 

I sent back the following:

I know it’s hard because heaven knows I do it too, but you can let it go and forgive yourself 😊. It’s all forgiven and forgotten. I know how hard this whole time was for you with Covid and everything Mom was saying and not having a job and all of that. It was the perfect storm of awfulness. I am truly moved by your apology, and I am so grateful for it. It has been wonderful to mend these fences and I appreciate all that you’ve done to do it. I hope that I have lived up to the courage and humility that you’ve shown. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I’m proud that you're my brother.

While there's still some row to hoe, it's remarkable how that one little prompting brought forth the miracles that we have seen!